Wednesday, March 23, 2011


I can't figure out what to write about. I've been sitting here for the last 45 minutes trying to figure it out. I glanced over and saw my shoes in my closet. Vwala! It begins . . .
So, I was counting, and I have over forty pairs of shoes. That's freaking ridiculous! I can't believe I have that many pairs of shoes! The funny thing is, I wear them all. Some of them only get used once or twice a year, but they all get worn. I think it's silly that some shoes I can tell you where I bought them. I can tell you how much some of them cost. I can tell you what kind of box they came in and what I wore with some of them on special occasions. I was just noticing that each one of them has their own story.
My vans, both pairs, I got before this school year started.
My converse: This is my third pair of black and white, ankle-cut converse. The sole is starting to come off. I like shoes that way. I think it gives them character. They have been through a lot of relationships and shopping trips with me.
New Balance's: They are my running shoes. They carried me the last time I ran with my sister. I had an asthma attack and an allergy attack at the same time at the end of that run.
Black and White Heels: I wore them to this years' MORP dance. One of the funnest dances I ever went to. My date was Eric Alsop. We were mobsters.
Black and White Heart Heels: I wore them to my first dance. Homecoming my JR year.
Silver Rhinestone Heels: I wore these to my first and last prom JR year. That was one day I can say I actually felt beautiful.
Thin Heels: Don't want to talk about it....
Red High Tops: Wore them to my first Homecoming Night Assembly performance. One of the funnest Hip Hop dances I've ever performed. My first year on Dance Company JR year.
Pink Sandals: I've had them since last summer. They hurt my feet but I think they're so cute that I wear them anyway.
White and Blue sandals: I bought them at Amara. That was a good day. I bought a cute outfit for a date. I don't remember what the date was but I remember who it was with and my cute outfit. (ha ha).
Yellow Heels: They make me feel super tall. I wore them to my first Sadie's dance JR year. I remember we went to a movie that day. It was sort of cold. I had to take them to this old guy on Main St. who repaired them for a buck because they broke and he's just cool like that. My niece wore them outside once in our sandbox when our ditch ran and got them all muddy.
Red Heels: Every time I wear them I get compliments from guys. Ha ha. I don't know why, though. They're falling apart, but I love them so much, I can't get rid of them just yet.
Slip On Tennis Shoes: I've had them since JR High. They are comfortable and I love to wear them, even though they're out of style. No memories, though.
Velvet Heels: I wore these to this years Homecoming with Christian Sagers. Also one of the funnest dances I've been to. I wore them the night I got my YW medallion.
Black High Tops: I wore them to Preference JR year. I went with Nate Barlow. I wore a big black and pink poofy dress with it. It was super fun. He wore converse with his tux. What a guy.
Blue Flip Flops: I got them at American Eagle. They go with me on every warm trip.
Blue New Balances: I've had them since 7th grade. I wore them in PE the first day I met Alicia Davis, now one of my good friends. I wore them the first time I climbed Timpanogus (the mountain, not the cave). I got really sick on that hike. I sprinted from druggies in those shoes, too.
Tan Flats: I wore them to EFY. Nuff said.
Pink Small Heel Sandal Things: I haven't worn them yet because I bought them to get a discount on another pair of shoes this past winter. So I've been waiting for things to warm up so I can wear them.
Green Slip On's: I wore them to Camyll's Wedding. Green and Creme. So pretty! I had delicious cake that I haven't been able to eat since because I had so much of it. It's been over 3 years now, so, it obviously had lasting effects...
Cloth Grey Shoes: I almost didn't buy them because I didn't want to look emo. But, I did and I love them.
Black and Red Checker Flats: I don't wear them often because they're a little to big for me I remember buying them to go with an outfit I bought for our dance company opening social my first year (JR year).
That's as much as I can remember without falling asleep. I think I got my words.
So many shoes, so many stories. Hooray for shoes.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Why Every Girl Should Go To Prom

Pretty dress
Roses and other flowers
Oodles of fun
Memories that make you smile

Every girl wants to feel beautiful. Every girl wants to be loved by some cute boy she thinks is worth her time. Every girl wants to dance and have a magical night in a beautiful gown, with her hair all done up in a way she would never really do it except for that one night. Every girl wants to be spun around on a dance floor with someone she has fun with, who will make her laugh, who won't make her feel awkward if she dances silly or trips on her high heels or the hem of her dress. Every girl wants that reassurance that, out of all the guys at school, at least one of them wants to take the time just for them. Not necessarily because it's a romantic thing, but because they both want to have fun and have a good time. Every girl just wants to feel good about herself. Is that so much to ask?

So, this is my senior year and, unfortunately and fortunately, I didn't get asked to my senior prom. I've contemplated as to why this happened. It made me feel bad about myself, sort of worthless. I had it in my head that no one asked me because they didn't want to spend their time with or their money on me. At first, I thought I couldn't blame them. I could find many reasons why any boy would not want to ask me to a dance. Especially prom. But, then I realized that I am me, and, someday, I'll be worth everything in the world so someone, so, maybe it doesn't matter that much. I mean, of course it matters. It makes you feel bad for a while. But, once High School is over and I'll never see more than (most likely) one or two, if any, of these people again. I just have to keep my eye on that one day where my prom dress will be white, and my date will be the one man who I will know will say I'm beautiful without looking at the girl behind me, who I know will dance with me because I'm the only girl he wants to dance with, who I know doesn't care if I accidentally laugh too loud or say something stupid. Someone who I know will have the best date with ever, and it won't be prom.

Nasty Nails

So, lately my nails have been bothering me. Personally, I think nails are discusting and I especially hate long nails. I don't know why they gross me out so much. Maybe it's because when you're dancing and you step on something pokey and you look down to see what it is and it turnes out to be someone else's nail, it kind of grosses you out. Just a little bit . . .
Since morp, which was a few weeks ago, my nails have been black and my toenails have been purple. My toenail polish comes off really fast thanks to dance. My nail polish for my fingernails comes off fast, too. Problem is, I don't understand how. My nails, I personally think, are so ugly. Color Guard ruined them for the rest of my life. Plus, I have a discussting habbit of picking at them when I'm bored. I think publicly admitting that I have this problem will help me get over it.
     Maybe . . .
I don't know why it bothers me so much. I guess I just don't like the feeling of them being too long. I don't like it when they're too short, either, though, so, I don't know. I guess I'll just have to find a happy medium.
I love getting manicures and pedicures, though. Sadly, I don't get one this week because no one wanted to take me to prom, but I finally picked all my fingernail polish off today, so maybe, before bed tonight, I'll give myself a manicure with this little set that I have and pretend like I care.
Ya, we will see how it goes . . .

Monday, March 14, 2011


So, I woke up this morning wishing it was summer. That isn't rare for me or anything because it's been happening every day since, well, for a while. I'm accepted into college, I'm on a college team, and I have my apartment. All I need now is a job for the summer. Which I can't get until summer gets here. So, it needs to hurry up.
Today, it is cloudy. I can't wait for those days when the sky is blue and clear. I can't wait to lay under the stars at night without having to wear all my snowboarding gear just to stay warm.
I watched a surfing movie last night which is probably adding to the want for summer. Because the movie took place in Hawaii. I want to go see the ocean so bad. And to swim in it. HA! Too bad I'm too much of a scaredy cat to go very far in it.
I can't wait to watch the sun go down and watch thunderstorms. I can't wait to eat ice cream and not get cold. I cant wait to eat snow cones like a mad woman. I can't wait for theme parks and how the wind cools you off on a hot summer's day. I can't wait to eat Sunday dinner outside with steaks on the grill. I can't wait to move my brother somewhere else so I can see more of this country. I can't wait to see my new niece and my family. I can't wait to move my sister back home. I can't wait to play in the pools and hot tubs. I can't wait to lay in the sun and get freckles. I can't wait to dance outside on the concrete and grass in my bare feet. I can't wait to go for a drive with all the windows down, singing to the radio. I can't wait to go camping and get lost in a good hike. I can't wait to climb Timp. Mountain. I can't wait to go for a bike ride and go really fast. I can't wait to read a good book or type one at my special place with a blanket and nothing else but nature around me. I can't wait to go places and meet new people. I can't wait to dig my toes into the garden and eat fresh tomatoes and pea pods off the vine. I can't wait to pluck the raspberry bushes and eat our peaches. I can't wait to hear the sound of my family playing basketball outside on the court in the back. I can't wait to set up the volleyball net and play games. I can't wait to have a fire in my fire pit with a bunch of fun people around. I can't wait for smores and hot dogs.
I can't wait for summer.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Solar Babies at 11 pm When They're Pretty Much Asleep

I'm still not quite up to my fifteen hundred words yet. I'm not completely sure what I'm going to talk about. Maybe I'll just ramble since I'm extremely tired and feel like my head isn't even in my own body. I think I'm coming down with a cold or something. Oh-well.
I've been thinking a lot lately. Did you know that the average person has at least three thoughts at once? Mostly women. Studies show where some men have moments where they're thinking about absolutely nothing at all. How does that work? I mean, I can't even begin to wrap my head around it. I've been so deep in thought lately. I feel like I can't pull myself out of it. I just look so  . . . . so. . . . . BLAH all the time because that's how I feel. All my emotions and my brain waves are just colliding and causing me to like go into this sleep mode thing.
I just feel like I'm not in my own body. I'm thinking for my body, it's just not always doing exactly what I want it to. Which causes problems sometimes. haha.
It was super sunny today. I was so happy. I finally got to eat lunch outside on the brown gras. I loved every second of it. I laid my head on Shae's tummy and we sun bathed. It didn't really work though since I was wearing long pants and a jacket because there was a cool breeze. But other than the cool breeze, it was a beautiful day. It made me so happy to be in it. And then as soon as I got home and finally had the chance to even attempt to go outside again, the clouds rolled in and it got dark pretty soon after. I hope it's sunny again tomorrow. Because I most deffinately am a solar baby. FOR SURE. ya.

Walmart Man

So, my friend, Kaylynn and I went to Walmart to get a magnificent carton of Half Baked by Ben and Jerry's. We were just walking in, having a serious conversation, and BAM! Some older guy, probably in his late forties or fifties, black tucked in shirt, jeans, big belt buckle, hat, and cowboy boots, comes walking around the corner. He's walking like a girl, shaking his hips, has his phone to his ear with one hand, and with the other hand, he's holding a pair of underwear (women's). I looked at him and wondered if he just was one of those weirdo's you're not supposed to stare at, so we just acted like he wasn't there.
BUT THEN . . . as we were passing him, he stopped, and in a high, girly voice, he said, and I quote "I don't care if you're a big hunk! I'm breaking up with you! I'd rather be with a cucumber!" and walked away from us and around the corner.
We held in our laughter until he turned around the corner and we started laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants. We got our Ben and Jerry's and when we were on our way back, he started stopping by people and saying other things. All I can say is . . .
Walmart Man, you are my hero.

Monday, March 7, 2011

From One Place To Another

There many things in this life that make me extremely happy. And one of them is dance. I don't think there's been maybe one or two blog posts without the word dance in there somewhere; or maybe none at all. What can I say? It's what I breath. It's what I live for.
Some people turn to painting or writing. Others turn to singing, acting, running, playing catch, fishing, or just sun bathing. But I turn to dance. I don't know why. And I certainly have no idea why anyone would want to even read about this. So, Casper, I'll tell you why I love it so much. That is, if I can even come up with a good reason.
My mom once told me that when she first put me into dance (when I was 3), I didn't want to go. This fact completely appalls me. I can't believe that I would have ever felt that way in my life. But, of course, I justify this by saying I obviously wasn't thinking clearly because I was so little, and I had never been, so how could I know that I didn't want to go?
It doesn't matter when or where or how. As long as it involves dancing, I'm usually up for grabs. I don't know why it draws me so near. Maybe it's because it's my way of letting out my feelings without having to use words or letting anyone know exactly what I mean. Maybe it's because I like the way it feels to bend and stretch and squeeze my muscles to get them to do exactly what I want. Maybe I like it because it's a challenge to get your body to shape a certain way and be a specific thing or place. Its challenging because your mind usually tells you your crazy and you dare to prove it wrong anyway. But, whatever the reason, it's dance, and I love it.
When I can't dance, I drive. I don't know what it is. But maybe it has something to do with movement. Maybe I'm drawn to dancing and driving because they both involve music and movement.
Dancing takes you into another world sometimes, and driving takes you to different places. Maybe that's why I like them. Because even though I'm sitting in one, they both involve body movement, music, and different places. They both allow me to think clearly.
But, whatever the reason, it's dance, and I love it.
The last few days haven't been extremely exciting. My mind has been in the gutter for many reasons. One of them being this weather. I mean, rain is wonderful and all, but I'm missing the sunshine.
So, today, my goal was to finish my solo. I have to have it finished by tomorrow, so I've definitely been feeling the pressure, but I can't even begin to explain how good it felt to finish it. I finished it, performed it once, and gave it my all. I made this dance a little bit different than what I've been used to and I could definitely feel the change in my energy and in myself. Change, I've learned, is a good thing . . . usually. You just have to accept it with a lot of TLC. Well, change and chiropractors. Because even though they both put you in a lot of pain at first, when they finally adjust you, it makes all the difference.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Where Your Money Lies

So, I just saw Beastly. I'm a sap, so I loved it, of course. I love to see other people madly, hopelessly, and honestly in love. It makes me feel somewhat hopeful. In some way, anyway . . .
I guess it got my brain waves going. I think it's funny how much time we take worrying about what we look like or what we say or what we do and how we do it. We worry too much about the things that aren't worth worrying over. The only thing I can come up with is to blame it all on being human. Which is the lamest excuse in the book. Well, it is and it isn't. But, in this case, it is. Why do we spend so much time worrying about ourselves, when, if we took the time to worry about others and just do what's right, then we wouldn't have to worry about ourselves because we'd be all taken care of.
I think this not only goes for the people who can't stop looking in the mirror without having a breakdown, but also the people who just beat themselves up day after day, after day. I mean, what's the point to that either? Some say it's to keep themselves humble, others  say it's because it's the truth. Well, to both of them I am sorry. I'm sorry that you hide in fear of yourself and that you think so hopelessly about who you are just because you either don't like what you see, or because you feel like you can always find something better.
I think we not only worry too much about what others think about us, but also what we think about other people. I mean, look around you, every single one of us has a glowing spirit (hidden or not) that lay just under the skin and all that hard stuff you've got plastered on your heart to keep anything else from getting in, just because you're too afraid. Well, stop it. Who cares? Who cares if he or she has this or is doing that or looks like my great aunts uncles sisters cousins friends grandma. Who cares? It's all just in your head, anyway. And it's probably far from where your judgements and your thoughts . . . and your heart should be.
Care. Just not too much. Care about what's on the inside. Because that's what really counts.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Worth Being

I don't really know what to write about....again. But I realized that my 1500 words is due tomorrow and I only have 494 words so far. So, I'm going to really have to push myself tonight to really get something worth pennies onto paper....or....virtual paper I guess.
I've been thinking a lot lately. I spend so much time running back and fourth alone in my car, I've had all this time to allow my thoughts to roam free. They scare me sometimes; my thoughts. Because sometimes they take me places I wish I could block of from my memory, or even my knowledge. But, at the same time. I think it's been good for me. It's sort of allowed me to do some soul searching. I have discovered new things about myself lately that I didn't really know. For instance:

  • It depends on the morning, but I generally like french toast and bacon for breakfast.
  • I'm starting to consider the fact that maybe pale skin isn't all that bad.
  • I have a certain taste in clothes I didn't know was there.
  • I really like a lot of the music I used to listen to. (who knew it could come back to haunt me?)
  • I love classic things. I love classiness. I love class (not school class though).
  • I'm not too bad at focusing on things if I let myself.
  • I'm more outgoing than I thought.
  • I don't really like chocolate all that much (it can depend on the day, though).
  • I'm more organized than I give myself credit for.
  • My favorite color is red.
  • My love for nature hasn't left me. It's actually even stronger than before.
  • I love jewelry.....who knew?
  • I can't get enough of magazines. Not for the clothes, but for the photography.
  • I hate talking about myself. (which is weird since that's pretty much all you do on a blog kind of...)
  • I like pockets.
  • I DO want to get married someday . . . even though my viewpoint of the male figure has not changed at all.
  • I like going to dances. (some people would gasp and say, 'WHAT?' to that one.)
  • I hate wasting time (unless it's with a gooooooood movie or book.)
  • I wish I could juggle.
There are other things, but I'll keep them to myself for future references. :) I think that as humans, we look at other people and compare ourselves to them. We spend so much of our thought process wishing we could do this, or wishing we could look like this, or wanting to change something about ourselves, or whatever. I think we need to spend more time focusing on what we like about ourselves and how we can improve what we've got to make it better in the eyes of God and not in the eyes of some person. Some days it's easy to see your worth and some days (usually most days), you wish you had something different. But the thing is, you are who you are, so make you worth being.