Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Fun Today, Consequenses Tomorrow (literally)

Today is my last day as a seventeen year old. It is weird thinking about it. Who knew that this day would ever come? Eighteen years of my wonderful life have now passed me by. Where on earth have they gone? No one knows. haha. All I know is that they're behind me now.
Some days I wish I could do over again. Say other things, keep my mouth shut, realize what I had, or realize what I really didn't have....I don't know...But, at the same time, there is nothing I would change. I like the me I've become from all of..."this."
The other day, someone told me all the things that they liked about me. I'm not trying to boast or make myself sound better in any way. This experience just opened my mind for the first time in a long time. This person told me five or six things that they liked about me. They had nothing to do with my physical image in any way. I was so shocked. Especially since this person was a boy and I thought that that's all boys really cared about.
All this time I thought I was this girl with no real defined personality. I felt like I was different with everyone else. I was always finding my way around, trying to figure out who I am. When, really, I knew all along. For that last six months I think I've learned more about myself than I have in the last three years. I just needed someone or something to smack me in the head and say, "Look at what I see! This is who you are! This is the good stuff! Focus on the good stuff!" So, I have been trying. Ever since they told me all the good stuff, I've decided. This is who i am. So, now, I'm ready to move on. I'll grow some more in the future, change a little. But, for now, this.....this is me.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Look Out, World, Here I Come!

It's my last Sunday as a seventeen year old. It's a strange thing, knowing that you'll soon be on your own, flying the nest, soaring to new heights. All that cleche' jazz. This past weekend some of my gal pals and I took off to St. George for my friend, Jacey's, belated birthday party.
We went down to her condo. It was so much fun just having us girls. Just chilling by the pool and eating good food. Staying up until early in the hot tub or watching movies (or, in my case, falling asleep). Saturday night, Jacey's mom let us take the "burban' and go out on the town. It was weird to me because that was the first time I had been away from home (at least outside of the usual places) with a bunch of friends, cruising the town, looking for some fun. It felt like a new kind of freedom. Something I didn't really know existed until I had tasted my first lick of it. It tasted wonderful. :)
Now, I have two more days and a few hours before I'm a legal adult. That is so weird to me. But, life goes on. In this case, it's a wonderful thing. Strange, but wonderful. I don't think I'll feel much different the moment I turn eighteen. But, I do know that I've noticed a difference in me the last few months, even weeks. Now, all I have to do is get out there and do something with myself.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Late Night Realizations

So, I just got back from my first job interview. I wasn't very nervous, really. Well, I was a little, but not completely freaking out. They guy was really nice and it was a comfortable atmosphere. I wasn't extremely worried about it. It felt pretty good. I drove home with a slime on my face. I hope I get the job, though. I'm not letting any negative thougths creep up. I have my fingers crossed.
I was thinkng last night about all the fun things I've done lately. I've taken chances and done things I've never done before. I thought to myself...shouldn't high school have been like this from the begining?.....I mean, there are hard times and easy times. Not every moment of school is fun. I just think that high school was supposed to be an adventure. I guess, looking back, I've just noticed how much I've missed out on because I had a boyfriend, I've been too shy in the past, and I wasn't as proactive as I am now. I sort of wish I could go back and change it all, make better decisions. But, at the same time, I'm happy the way things have turned out because of all the amazing lessons I've learned.
All of the lessons I've learned the past few years are totally going to make it that much easier for me the rest of my life. I don't have to figure those things out in college because I already know what to do or how to handle different situations. I just wish those lessons wouldn't have come out of making mistakes.
These are the things I've done that have been so fun and opened my eyes so much in the last few weeks:
1. went on a date
2.went on another date.
3. went to a party without having to worry about the fact that I had a boyfriend.
4. went to another party feeling the same way.
5. went to another party and kicked someone's butt!
6. started talking to my parents more.
7. had my first job interview
8. got invited to go to things people wouldn't have invited me to go do had I had a boyfriend.
9. got to go fishing.
10. started listening to the kind of music I like, regardless of what people think.
11. started paying attention to the good things
12. started making new friends
13. had a job interview
14. went for a late night borrito.
15. went to sub zero shack with Hannah.....
16. went and got a french fry borrito with two friends
17. started volunteering at an old folks home
18. started writing again.
19. went to cabellas with some friends...
20. wrote a few old fashioned letters

I wish I could have realized earlier what I've realized now.
Life is good, no matter what.

Monday, May 9, 2011

I Believe In Neverland

I believe everyone has their own neverland. Whether it a place, dream or happy thought, everyone has one. It isn’t a place where peter pan sweeps you away to, flying off on adventures of magical whim. It’s a place where people feel happy and safe. Somewhere where one can be themselves and forget everything for a moment.
When I was a kid, Neverland was a literal place. It was fact, not fiction. It was the star past that horizon, to the right and strait on till morning. It was that place where there was treasure, pirates, Indians, and flight. No matter what, it was always a constant place. It was a place where everyone could go and they wouldn’t have to worry about who they were or money or time. If you got taken to Neverland, all you had to do was play and think happy thoughts.
The thing is I’m no longer just a kid. I’m a legal adult with ambitions, hopes, dreams, and life ahead of me. And to every positive, there is a negative, of course. Life is hard. Hard things never seem to go away. Especially the older you get. You just have to remember that Neverland will find you. All you have to do is be patient.
How do you get to Neverland, you ask? Why, it’s very simple. There aren’t any math equations or flight schedules (even though flying is just what you’ll do to get there). There aren’t any bargains or   bribes, or any money involved at all. All you need is three things: faith, trust, and pixie dust. They aren’t hard to come by. The first two are inside you. The last is all around you. You just have to know where to look.
Faith is universal. I am not referring to faith in the religious sense. I am referring to faith as believing in something you cannot see. You cannot always physically see Neverland. Sometimes it’s far away, and sometimes it is closer than you think. Sometimes when someone pops up, unknowingly offering his or her hand to lift you into the air and fly away to Neverland with you, you don’t want to go. You have this or that to take care of. You have a million excuses. Maybe that’s why we lose sight of it. Because we don’t have enough faith to see something that is really there. Maybe we just aren’t looking hard enough for it.
Trust is something every individual has. For some it is hard to trust, for others it is easy. The only way we can get there is by trusting. Not just trusting someone else or the world around us, but trusting ourselves. We have to be willing to let go and take the risk. We have to trust enough to step out that bedroom window and know that you will not fall, but that you will fly.
The last is the hard one. It is something that resides within us all. It is light and it sparkles. It is something that can be blown onto other people. It is something we can share. It is that thing that sparkles in our eyes. It is that thing that lifts us into the air. We just have to have the faith and the trust that it will do just that. It is pixie dust.
Everyone has their own Neverland. We just have to know where to find it. It’s just outside our windows, waiting. It’s glistening brightly against that dark night sky, waiting for us to whisk away. All we have to do is open the window, step onto the window pane, take Peter’s hand, and fly past the bad stuff and strait on till morning. This I believe.

Thursday, May 5, 2011


Snow Cones
Today I got my frist snow cone of the year with Hannah! It was marvelous. Every bite was heaven.

Laying In The Sun
I got to sit and eat costa vida in my back yard after school and do my homework out there. I got a little sunburned. Who knew?

Driving With The Windows Rolled Down
For once, it wasn't too cold for me to roll down the windows in my car. Huray!

Swinging On The Swings
I forgot how much fun it is to swing. Such a simple joy...

Baseball Games
Whooooo! Can't wait for summer ball! YEAH!

Garden Food
I have been craving this for weeks! I can't wait to plant a garden!

 It's late and I can't think of anything else right now but i sure hope that tomorrow is warm again! Huray for warm weathe! Summer, here I come!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Dear Gentlemen, I Would Like To Award You With A Gold Star...

Today seemed to go on incredibly slow while I was at school. Embarrassing and frustrating things happened today. It was kind of cold, etc. My list of bad things is super short. A lot of good happened actually. Enough to erase all the bad things. (Generally this happens to me every day, it just depends on how I look at it.)
I had a lot to think about today. A lot to process. It was actually quite overwhelming. Life itself is starting to crash down on me. The reality of it, I mean. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm becoming an adult, life is starting to get harder. Decisions have to be made, people have to be pleased, I have to say "no" to things.
People have a huge influence in my life. Especially my gal pals. But, the young men in my life have also had a great influence in my life.
A few days ago I heard from a friend a shocking but also not so shocking thing a guy said about another girl from school. My friend was asking him why he was hanging out with her if he liked this other girl. He said, "Honestly, I just keep her around." This broke my heart because the girl he was talking about has been my friend for a very long time. But, of course, it is none of my business, so I wont get involved...
Another boy I knew was dishonest with everyone. His parents, his girlfriend, himself...the list goes on. He still hasn't change and I don't know that he will for a very long time. But, because of his example to me in my life, I really don't trust young men. Or very many men in general, actually. He taught me to be cautious and I now realize that not everyone is who they say they are.
I read this book....although it is a fictional book, it had realistic characters. The boys in it became so real to me, because the more I learn about people (boys) in my own school, the more the characters in these books made me realize that the boys in the book were exactly like the ones in my real life. There are the bad ones and the good ones, of course. But, until they grow up, many of them have not earned your time. I'm not trying to be arrogant here, I just feel very protective over myself and my fellow females as the reality of the "male brain" has started to hit me like a ton of bricks.
Thank goodness for gentlemen....
I've always thought that what I've had in the past was as good as it was going to get. I mean, how could the world hand something any better than what I had? Well, once that tomato turned out to be rotten, I found another that was ripe, and another, and another, and another. I even stumbled across some old ones that had been preserved in the freezer and came out just as red as the other ripe ones. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I never really knew what a gentleman was until of late.
I have a friend, well, a few, actually, who never push me in any direction. They let me feel comfortable, they care about what I have to say, they don't care if I act like an idiot or do/say something embarrassing, they just make me feel comfortable and change the subject. They open doors for me and pay for things for me, even though I sometimes protest. They compliment me enough to know I am appreciated, but not too much to make me think it's a daily routine. They don't treat me any different around their friends. They make me feel like they like me for who I am and not because of what I look like or because they think I'm "easy", or because they think they can just "keep me around." The treat me like a daughter of God. And I never realized until this moment that this is the way every young women should be treated their entire life. (And, yes, young men deserve the same amount of respect.)
I guess it just shocked me to hear and see all of these lies and truths come about all these people I thought I knew. I guess I've just had so many bad examples of young men to trust, I haven't taken time to see the trustworthy ones because I've been too afraid. And who can blame me? After hearing things and feeling, experiencing, and seeing the things I have, it doesn't make it easy.
 I just know that one day, someone will be worth every penny, every moment, every tear, and every smile. For now, I just have to enjoy what's in front of me and trust (Try to, at least) that everything will work out and those jerks will get the justice they deserve.
Don't get me wrong. Not every guy out there is a jerk, not every guy is a gentleman, though. It's just up to the guy to decide what he will be and it's up to the girl to help him get there (somewhat, anyway.)
Thank heaven for gentlemen.

The Only Way to Go Is Up

My entire life I have worked up to being able to dance in point shoes. Ballet has always been something I just can't get enough of. Of course, I'll complain and not want to go to class, but then I'll get there and come home with a smile on my face.
My old point shoes weren't fitted right, so they ruined my feet. My toes got an infection and I went to the doctor. He said I would never be able to do point shoes again and I have such a bad back that my chiropractor advised me to quit. Although they were both smart and knew what they were talking about, I didn't listen to them. I didn't let them slow me down.
As soon as I started in my new studio this past December, I got right back on point. My wonderful teachers helped me figure out what to do to keep my feet as healthy as possible. But, because my shoes weren't fitted right, I wasn't able to dance to my full potential.
My private tutor, Jenny, helped me out with my feet and got me new shoes about a month ago. At the beginning of April I did my first double on point. Today, I was finally able to see my arch when I pointed my foot in my point shoes. My wonderful friend, Maddie Gilbert, is probably the only one that knows what I'm talking about. But, oh well. ha ha. It was a magnificent moment. I hope I never have to stop dancing.
Nothing can stop me now!

Me in my shoes. About a month ago. Hurray!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Family Blues

Missing my sisters today. And my brother. I remember when it would get warm like it is going to get this week we would swing in the back yard and make forts. We'd watch movies and laugh about stupid things. We'd dance in our dress-ups and sing to the Beach Boys. We'd make midnight desserts and listen to the sound of my brothers and my dad playing basketball on the court outside. I can smell the summer rain already!

This is my sister, Chelsey, and me.

Everything Happens For A Reason

This week, the five words I have heard a lot that keep popping into my head are these: Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe this. God knows what's best for you, and the people you  meet come into your life for a reason.
My wise mother gave me something she wrote. It said something to the effect of "People come in and out of your lives. It's up to you whether you take something good or something bad out of each relationship, whatever kind of relationship it may be. Some relationships end bad, but it's your job to take something good from it."
With one month left of high school, I was thinking about this. Every single person I've met in high school has had some sort of influence on me. They've lead me to other people, they helped me learn valuable lessons, they put a smile on my face for a moment or two, they set an example for me, they helped me pass a class, they helped me feel like I belong, they were my friend, et cetera.
I was thinking how sad it will be to say goodbye to these people, most of which I will never see or speak to again. All I can do is take what I have been given from each relationship and make myself a better person and move forward.
I can't wait to see who I'll meet in the future and who will influence me in what way. Except, the most exciting part is that I get to influence people in their lives. I just hope that I've left those in high school as positively influenced as they've left me.