Today seemed to go on incredibly slow while I was at school. Embarrassing and frustrating things happened today. It was kind of cold, etc. My list of bad things is super short. A lot of good happened actually. Enough to erase all the bad things. (Generally this happens to me every day, it just depends on how I look at it.)
I had a lot to think about today. A lot to process. It was actually quite overwhelming. Life itself is starting to crash down on me. The reality of it, I mean. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm becoming an adult, life is starting to get harder. Decisions have to be made, people have to be pleased, I have to say "no" to things.
People have a huge influence in my life. Especially my gal pals. But, the young men in my life have also had a great influence in my life.
A few days ago I heard from a friend a shocking but also not so shocking thing a guy said about another girl from school. My friend was asking him why he was hanging out with her if he liked this other girl. He said, "Honestly, I just keep her around." This broke my heart because the girl he was talking about has been my friend for a very long time. But, of course, it is none of my business, so I wont get involved...
Another boy I knew was dishonest with everyone. His parents, his girlfriend, himself...the list goes on. He still hasn't change and I don't know that he will for a very long time. But, because of his example to me in my life, I really don't trust young men. Or very many men in general, actually. He taught me to be cautious and I now realize that not everyone is who they say they are.
I read this book....although it is a fictional book, it had realistic characters. The boys in it became so real to me, because the more I learn about people (boys) in my own school, the more the characters in these books made me realize that the boys in the book were exactly like the ones in my real life. There are the bad ones and the good ones, of course. But, until they grow up, many of them have not earned your time. I'm not trying to be arrogant here, I just feel very protective over myself and my fellow females as the reality of the "male brain" has started to hit me like a ton of bricks.
Thank goodness for gentlemen....
I've always thought that what I've had in the past was as good as it was going to get. I mean, how could the world hand something any better than what I had? Well, once that tomato turned out to be rotten, I found another that was ripe, and another, and another, and another. I even stumbled across some old ones that had been preserved in the freezer and came out just as red as the other ripe ones. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I never really knew what a gentleman was until of late.
I have a friend, well, a few, actually, who never push me in any direction. They let me feel comfortable, they care about what I have to say, they don't care if I act like an idiot or do/say something embarrassing, they just make me feel comfortable and change the subject. They open doors for me and pay for things for me, even though I sometimes protest. They compliment me enough to know I am appreciated, but not too much to make me think it's a daily routine. They don't treat me any different around their friends. They make me feel like they like me for who I am and not because of what I look like or because they think I'm "easy", or because they think they can just "keep me around." The treat me like a daughter of God. And I never realized until this moment that this is the way every young women should be treated their entire life. (And, yes, young men deserve the same amount of respect.)
I guess it just shocked me to hear and see all of these lies and truths come about all these people I thought I knew. I guess I've just had so many bad examples of young men to trust, I haven't taken time to see the trustworthy ones because I've been too afraid. And who can blame me? After hearing things and feeling, experiencing, and seeing the things I have, it doesn't make it easy.
I just know that one day, someone will be worth every penny, every moment, every tear, and every smile. For now, I just have to enjoy what's in front of me and trust (Try to, at least) that everything will work out and those jerks will get the justice they deserve.
Don't get me wrong. Not every guy out there is a jerk, not every guy is a gentleman, though. It's just up to the guy to decide what he will be and it's up to the girl to help him get there (somewhat, anyway.)
Thank heaven for gentlemen.