Monday, November 7, 2011

Hungry for My Buddies

Today I have been very hungry. But for the lack of my self control over the weekend, I have decided to eat as healthy as I can without starving myself to death. It's very hard considering my metabolism runs a hundred miles a minute and I'm constantly thinking about food. Seriously, though. I think my daily thoughts go like this:
"Hungry. Need food."
"I need to do the laundry."
"I wonder what Caitlin's doing..."
"Crap. What am I going to have for dinner....hmmmm."
"I need to do my english homework and go over the dance for drill...oh crap. But I'm too hungry to worry about that right now."
And so on.
It's like a never ending train of foodfoodfood. So, as we speak, I am forcing a protein bar down my throat and I think I'll down it with a few grapes. That should last me at least ten minutes, right?
So yesterday I was having a very bad moment and feeling all sorry for myself because I felt so alone as if I hadn't a friend in the world that I could talk to who would know exactly what to say. All those friends are either far away or no longer existant in my life. So, I sat on my bed. And cried. Then I checked my email. And cried. Then I read Elder Alsop's email. And cried. And then I read my patriarchal blessing. And cried. Then I wrote in my journal. And cried some more. Then I texted Madi Minor one of my very best BFFFFFs. Which made me cry even more because it made me realize how truely far away she is. Then, I thought about writing Elder Alsop another letter. So I did. I still cried. But there was something in his letter that made me feel sooooooooooo darn stupid. At the end he said something about how Jesus loves us (or me, in this case). I seriously wanted to smack myself in the face. I was like, "What the heck, Cassady. You are SO stupid." So, I read my scriptures and said my prayers and very soon I stopped crying and fell right to sleep. Thank goodness for that one friend who won't ever leave, even though He's kind of far away, too. :)
P.S. I'm feeling much better today. Except my feet are cold. I think I need to get my super duper warm socks next time I go home.
Some of the people I miss...

Of course there are many more. You know whho you are.

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